You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
