Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
