And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
