Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
