who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
