i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
