Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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