I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
