wanna go halves on a baby?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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