I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
