you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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