This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
