I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
