I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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