dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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