I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
