i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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