dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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