Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
someone owes me an orgasm
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
