does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
