Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
