I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
