I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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