Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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