I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
