sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
