My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
