I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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