Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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