We're like a lot better than the average bears
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
