dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
