I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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