Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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