You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
