I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize