so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
