alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
