I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would fuck him just for his dog
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
