Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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