so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize