I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
COCAINE IS GR8
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
