Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
