but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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