i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
