I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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