11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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