ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
