Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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