I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
