Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
