from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
