and my herpes radar will keep us safe
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
