i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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