I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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