when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize