my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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