fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
