I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
