Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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