I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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