Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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