i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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