i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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