I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
