Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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