Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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