How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
