I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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