Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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