dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
