Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
ttyl tear gas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
