my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
