I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
