i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
